I thought long and hard before writing this weeks post. But then I thought this is what my blog is about, me, my life and my week, and this has been that week.
Hope you have all brought your tissues with you cos you are going to need them. It has been the most awful week going and I just wish it had not happened but it has.
Lillys cough is back. Not as bad as it was before but it is back. She is struggling and unable to get up on the furniture. Needing a hand to get on the couch and in and out the door to the garden.
Finished a quilt for a friends little girls first birthday.
Poor Lilly is shuddering and shaking with every intake of breath. her whole body from head to toe. I know when she is not feeling well she is like a toddler - wants her mummy.....
Been trying to get hold of the vet school in Glasgow to arrange her appointment for next week. Emailed them today with the latest update as I really need to speak to somebody. They phoned me back and spoke to me have arranged for us to take her in on Wednesday for an update and more blood tests with a view to being done on Thursday. Their machine is fully booked for Tuesday and down for maintenance on Wednesday so first they can fit us in.
Took her along to our vet tonight to get something to help her with her breathing until she can be seen.
Hubby had a hospital appointment this morning, and as it involved eye drops he could not drive himself home, so Lilly and I went and stayed in the car. Did not want to leave her home alone under the circumstances. Looking at photos like this in comparison to ones we took say a month ago makes me realise how much she has aged in a very short space of time.
Took her to Glasgow, her breathing is very noisy, her respiratory rate is high and her temperature is up as well. She has been on antibiotics for three weeks so should not be any infection. She has no energy to stand poor wee thing and just flops on to the floor or up next to one of us. They wanted to keep her in overnight so she was there for the morning but we insisted on taking her home. Did not like the idea of her being stuck in a cage overnight totally miserable in pains and shivering, she deserved better than that. Especially as we expected it may well be her last night on earth. We stopped at the supermarket and bought some liver for her hoping she would eat and a breakfast pack for our tea. She enjoyed some fried liver and a bit of black pudding and haggis not really healthy but not doing much harm at this stage.
We left here just after 6am to avoid the traffic and make sure we were there for 8am. Actually got there for about 7.30 but had we left half an hour later would have hit much more traffic. We had signed all the forms yesterday so just a few details to go through.
Our plan had been to hang around Glasgow, have a breakfast and do some shopping but we could not focus on anything but her and so headed back to sit in the car park at the vet school.
Her procedure was booked for 11am and they phoned us before quarter past to say the cancer must have been aggressive it had spread massively and she maybe had a day or two left to live. It was in her lymph nodes as well as much bigger in both lungs. They offered us the choice to take her home and spoil her for a day before taking her to our own vet.
One very hard decision had to be made. I knew if I took her home I would not be able to spoil her. How could I? she was not really interested in eating? could barely walk or stand? the wag was about gone from her tail and the shine had gone from her eyes. She would not have survived until her appointment next week, but at least by her scan being redone we saw the damage and the spread.
She would pick up on our stress and I am not sure I would have had the strength to take her the next day to our own vet. So we sat and cried and pondered and discussed like we never have before and decided not to bring her home, to put her to sleep where she was and to leave her with them for cremation. We knew we were doing the right thing by her by putting her to sleep. We will bring her home once she is cremated.
To say it was horrible is a massive understatement. I owed it to her to be there, to cuddle her to the end, to talk to her and give her a kiss. I stayed with her for about ten minutes after she went.
How I drove back from Glasgow I don't know but we got home safely.
It is hard enough when they are old. but she still technically should of had half her life ahead of her still. I am glad we had the pet insurance and could give her the best, though the best was never going to be any good.
No waggy tail or licks this morning, no dog on the stairs to greet me when I came in. This empty house lark is no fun.
DD2, SIL and Ziggy were down for an overnight stay before heading up to his mum and dads. His dad is not keeping well and sadly it is only a matter of time.
Ziggy was having fun playing with a bag of bricks that next door had handed in, she does not have any of these at home so has taken them away with her.
The postman came to the door with a parcel but there was no little dog to woof when he knocked. This is going to take a lot of getting use to.
Yes the dog bed is still in the corner.