With Mother's Day just around the corner, all of the duties, privileges
and sacrifices of maternal duty are in the spotlight. And one of the greatest
moments, should you get to experience it, is being a mother of the bride.
Watching your child get married is a hugely special experience - not least
because it brings with it the promise of much-wanted grandkids! How do you best
support and guide without accidentally overdoing it and being an annoyance?
- Respect Their Taste
Usually, you will have been a bride yourself at one point, but it's very
important to understand that your own tastes, desires and vision for the day
may not be the same as your daughters. She may ask you to help with the
planning and in this situation it can be easy to get carried away in the
excitement and overstep boundaries by imposing your taste and opinions. Make
sure that while you offer suggestions and experience, they are based on what she
and her partner love. If they want to hire gospel choirs
in London or release doves into the air or follow a theme, it's their special day.
2. Address The Money Issue
With modern weddings, the finances can be confusing. Of course many
couples choose to save and budget for
their big day themselves, but some may be expecting a financial contribution from
parents. Either way, talking about the money can be awkward - so don't make
your daughter ask. Be the one to bring it up first. Spell out what you want to
contribute, be specific about the amount and whether you consider it a loan or
a gift, and also let them know when the money will be available, as a wedding
involves a fair amount of upfront expense.
3. Get To Know Her Partner's Family
Although marriage is firstly about the couple making the commitment,
it's also about two families coming together. No one is saying you have to be
best friends (although that would be a nice state of affairs), but you will be
connected through your children and even more so if grandchildren arrive on the
scene. Reach out to the family of your daughter's partner and invite them out
to lunch, somewhere neutral. It's a friendly gesture that your daughter is
bound to appreciate and will be useful for your own peace of mind as you can
then understand what her in-laws are like.
4. Don't Panic!
It's a rare wedding that doesn't have a few hiccups on the journey to
the altar, so be prepared to offer a voice of reason, a calm oasis or a
shoulder to cry on as your daughter needs. Organising such a big event, which
may well be the first time the happy couple have done anything on such a scale,
is stressful. It's quite natural for her to have wobbles over organising the
seating plan, choosing a wedding dress or agreeing with her fiance on aspects of the
day. Don't pass any judgements, just be a listening ear for her. It will all be
worth it on the day!
This is a Collaborative Post.
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