This weeks blog prompt over at Brit mums is All I want for Christmas - well for me that is easy. For the day not to exist, to have it wiped from my personal calendar for good.
That might sound a bit drastic, but to be honest with you I (no matter how hard I try) can not feel jolly, or full of the Christmas spirit of any other expression you can think of. I would much rather it was treated as just a normal day, and not to be made to feel strange or wrong because that's the way I feel. Surely I have as much right not to want it to exist as the rest of you to be excited and hyped up about it? I am working Christmas day again this year, and happy to be doing so, I will go in and act jolly and join in with the festivities because Im expected to but not because I want to.
Whether this goes back to my childhood where being honest with you I cannot remember a happy Christmas day, I do remember getting excited because Santa was coming and my sister and I use to open our stockings which were left at the bottom of our beds at silly o'clock and then go back to sleep till it was up time. But that's as far as it goes.
I do remember only getting Christmas presents every 2nd year as my birthday was too near Christmas and my parents couldn't afford both birthday and Christmas presents for me, so 1 year I got for my birthday the next I got for Christmas ( apart from my stocking). Every body else got both so why should I have been singled out? Its not as though I got more for my present than the rest got so why the difference? I guess I will never know. I am not materialistic, never have been never will be, but to have been fairly treated would have been nice.
I do remember going back to school after the holidays and we were always asked to write a piece on "What I got for Christmas" - well with the lies I told my parents must have been rolling in it. Having been a parent that has been hard up I do appreciate how difficult it can be but come on - you don't buy for 3 and leave the 4th out do you?
When my own children were young I made huge efforts to give them nice Christmases and I fought against ever mental block I had to give them a good time. Christmas when mine was young was made a real family time with real family traditions ( that I started and the kids/grandkids are more than happy to carry on). We like a lot had little money, but Christmas isn't about money it is about family, fun, love and warmth.
We made mince pies on Christmas Eve, with each child doing a piece of the work, rolling the pastry, cutting shapes, popping in the filling, and so on till the pies were done. We left Santa a pie out, and he loved them as much as we did (well they were gone the next morning). We sat - well danced and sang to Disneys' sing-along-a Christmas songs and once it finished that meant bed time. We sat in a wendy house and ate rolls and bacon on Christmas morning, played games and sat snuggled up together watching films.
My children loved these times and the 2 eldest are in their 30's now and still talk fondly of the great Christmas days they had and the fun they remember - so I guess I must have done plenty right. So much so daughter No2 is arranging to come here for 48 hrs over Christmas, and yes I am happy to have her as I love all my kids to bits and I am honoured they still want to spend time with me as I certainly did not my parents.
Granddaughter will be along to make mince pies before Christmas and no doubt daughter No2 and hubby will eat rolls and bacon when I am at work Christmas morning and I will come home to a nice cooked Christmas meal and we will all watch a nice Christmas film together, but Christmas past will always haunt me. Sorry Folks but that's the way it is